From a young age, most people are taught their value and worthiness come from what they do or how well they accomplish their tasks. When a child cleans their room or does well on their test, they are rewarded with praise, special attention, gifts, or accolades. But when a child doesn’t follow through or do a good job, they are punished, reprimanded, or made to feel bad about themselves because they didn’t measure up to the expectations placed on them.
Though this is a typical approach by most parents, and most of us have grown up in a society that addresses misbehavior in this way, the long-term effects are devastating for many. It teaches us that we are meant or supposed to live up to others’ expectations and that if we don’t, we are not worthy or valuable enough.
This is where we see many people trying to please others throughout their lives, and if they can’t or don’t, they develop or reinforce low self-esteem and feelings of not being enough. Other times we see this play out to gain value through our work and what we produce in life. This comes from an understanding that our worth comes from what we do rather than who we are.
One of the biggest struggles I have had throughout my life is basing my value on my work. This caused me to be competitive, jealous, and even manipulative to gain a perceived status so I could be found worthy. I needed to be on a pedestal and looked up to so I could feel like I was valuable and worthy.
The biggest problem with this was that no matter how many awards I received or how much recognition and respect I gained, it was never enough to fill that void within me. I had to keep going for more, like a drug addict that needs another fix. I had to continue beating my own records to stay relevant and essential. I was unaware of these hidden agendas driving me or of how they were silently killing me inside by keeping me in cycles of anxiety and depression.
When I began to recognize and understand the truth about myself and where my value comes from, it was like the most massive weight was lifted from my shoulders. I no longer had to meet the perceived expectations placed on me. I no longer had to carry the weight of jealousy and resentment for others being successful and happy. I no longer had to keep working for the respect I so desired from others to be accepted. The battles of trying to measure up in this world were over, and I could finally be authentic and express myself the way I genuinely wanted.
This transformation began to happen when I started seeking truth. I learned to measure my value based on results, outside expectations, and on the internal ideas placed within me as I grew up. I also learned that the concept of self-value is and can only be based on a lie. That there is no grand scale or golden measurement in which we could ever receive a true or accurate reflection of how much value we actually have.
Truth is the serum that can free you from the distortions and lies that tie you down to these ideas within you that you may not be worthy or valuable enough. It can relieve you from the ideas that you are in any way not good enough, don’t belong, or don’t deserve to have and be what you want. The real enemy is within your own mind disguised as common sense and logic. It is a master manipulator that is convincing and compelling.
To overcome this enemy within you, you must learn to break down and dissect your thoughts and belief systems and measure them against truth. In my book, Fight Back, I teach the philosophies, tools, and techniques to help you unlock the truth within you and eliminate the enemy that holds you back from the greatness that you are.
If this message has spoken to and helped you, comment, like, and share with others, who may benefit as well.